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Once we are "friends" we will immediately start seeing each other like ugly, wrinkled old men and women.

Oh, and also, most importantly: the "just friends" thing will be especially workable because my future girlfriend or wife will be overjoyed that I am still great friends with an ex.

They may not even call – they might skip straight to text, instant messenger, or email!

I'll talk casually to you about the girls I'm dating or sleeping with, because the fact that we are "just friends" means that it won't hurt you at all to hear how replaceable you are, and how much I've moved on in such a short time.

We won't need to worry about the temptation to have sex with each other, because once we become friends, any sexual attraction that existed will die instantly.

If you got down on your knees and held on to his feet begging him to stay, he’ll probably get in touch for a shag and an ego stroke.

However…if you were really OTT, he’ll probably make you wait a while as he may be ‘nervous’ of your emotions.

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